Friday, July 15, 2011

"It's Independence Day and something unexpected happens . . ." Flash Fiction

I'm partcipating in a flash fiction contest. So here is my 250 words, which I might add is really hard to get a story in that short amount of words.

Bright Fireworks lit up El Paso's mountains. It was a good thing Amber loved Pedro. If she’d seen El Paso before meeting him they would have lasted only one date.


The air condition blasted. The thermostat said 114 degrees but that had to be wrong. Pedro had been quiet since they’d past the state line into Texas. Was he as worried as she about meeting his family?

Pedro grabbed her hand. Amber turned and saw his honey colored brown eyes staring at her. There was an emotion there that Amber had never seen.

“Hey don’t worry. I’ve had to win over tougher crowds,” Amber said smiling. “I don’t think you have to worry about your parents.”

Pedro smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. Instead his eyes turned sad. He looked ahead to the road. The city lights stood as a beacon for them. They’d come in the back way leaving the traffic of the main highway for deserted country roads and small towns with ticket happy sheriffs.

Suddenly a thousand spot lights blinded them ahead on the road. Pedro slammed on the breaks. The car swerved and ended on the shoulder surrounded by a cloud of dust.

“We have to get out. Now,” Pedro said. Amber opened her door, a million questions filled her head.

Pedro grabbed her hand and pulled her into the thick brush.

“Stay low. Whatever happens remember I love you and Happy Fourth of July.” Pedro turned and left her alone.

Go here to read the other entries and see all whose partcipating.

23 comments:

Mary Campbell said...

Oh my gosh. What a jerk. Now I really want to know what's going on. Nice twist.

Fida I said...

Whoa! 250 words is not enough, sometimes. I was just getting suspenseful... thanks!

Hope to read more of your writings!

Fida (:

Debbie Davis said...

fantastic work gail!!! I loved it, your descriptions and how well you moved the story and espcially the cliff hanger!! You my wonderful fabulous friend are an amazing writer!! One day I hope to be as good at it as you are!

Danyelle Ferguson said...

Whoa! What happens next??? Great job!

Cathy Witbeck said...

I'm thinking illegal alien or maybe just alien. Fun stuff, Gail.

Brianna said...

No! Don't stop there! I have to know what happens next! Great job creating a sense of place and putting the reader into the action!

Kayeleen Hamblin said...

This is awesome. I am left wanting more! Great job.

Stacy Henrie said...

Oooo, very intriguing. I want to know what's going to happen next!!! A Fourth of July thriller is an awesome idea.

ali said...

I saw so much of YOU in there! But what the heck is about it happen???!!!! Ahhhh!!!

Great job, Gail!

Brent Wescott said...

That's what she gets for going to Texas, am I right?

Building Castles on the Beach

Lacie Myers said...

Good job! I am left wondering what that blockade was all about. Who is this guy?

Julie said...

Yes... AND?? What happens next?!

Dawn M. Hamsher said...

A cliff hanger? Really? I think it specifically says in Ali's rules that cliffhangers are not allowed.

No? Alright then, I'll have to use my imagination...

Pedro is wanted for the murder of his entire family and has been on the run for exactly one year. He was taking Amber home to add one more to his list.

See...You really didn't want that!

The Write Soil

Karen Hoover said...

You're killing me, Gail! Ack! What happens next? That was awesome, if you didn't know already.

Canda said...

Where is he going? What will she do? Ahhhhh. . .

Donna K. Weaver said...

Ugh. What is this with flash fiction? Teaser stuff? You're killing me.

Gail said...

Hehehe thank you everyone for your comments. Just to give you a hint. Pedro is a very good guy but his family is not. He's trying to save her from a mistake he made in bringing her to Texas. He's not illigal and he's not a mass murderer. Lol

Debbie Davis said...

what a relief! lol great job again gail! I loved it!

Jenn Wilks said...

I loved the "happy fourth of July" right before he deserts her! :-) You definitely have left me in suspense. Good job!

Nisa said...

Dang! Way to leave us wanting more. I have a million questions. *grin*

Jessica L. Foster said...

Oo that is so good! I love the details! Flash fictions seem hard but you have done it well.

Randall said...

Intense suspense! Great job Gail!

Ishta Mercurio said...

He LEFT HER??? AUUUUGH! Great, suspenseful piece!